Ten Reasons NOT To Get A Divorce (Episode 3)

THE EMOTIONAL DEVASTATION

Divorce is emotionally devastating for most people. Divorce forces us to kill all of the dreams we were counting on when we decided to marry our mate. It separates us from the one person we believed would always be there for us, holding our hand when we got old and feeble. We may deny the pain, but there is always pain with divorce. Divorce is a type of death, and we will need to grieve from the pain, just as we do when a person we love dies.
Divorce is the ultimate rejection, because we are either rejecting, or being rejected by, the one person who knew us most in this world. In this culture, we've grown so accustomed to people splitting up, that this silent pain is often ignored and not acknowledged, but it's still real. People may even cover up their pain with addictions or new relationships, but these do not heal the hurt. Many people are never the same after a divorce, because all of their underpinnings have been taken from them.
to be continued............

Ten Reasons NOT to Get a DIVORCE (Episode 2)

Yesterday we started this series this is a continuation of the article TEN REASONS NOT TO GET A DIVORCE

2. CUSTODY

The next reason is very closely related to the first. It also deals with children. The number one reason was how it affected the lives of the children. The next one is intertwined with that, and it deals with how it will change the dynamics of your family.
One of the worst things about divorce, if children are involved, is a new dirty word you will become very familiar with: custody. You no longer have the children in your home, full-time, as you always have. You will be sharing time with those children with your ex-partner, and you will have to arrange your whole life to accommodate these arrangements.
If you are the non-custodial parent, you can never get those hours back, and you will miss those children, guaranteed. I watched my husband go through it, and there is nothing like the pain of a Dad or Mom missing their child. Nothing. Walking away from a marriage because it's not what you wanted, can mean walking away from your kids and that impact is enormous.

Ten Reasons NOT To Get A Divorce (Episode 1)

I think the average couple in today's world has thought about divorce at least once during their marriage. And for some, divorce is a constant threat. For others, divorce feels like their only hope. Whether you have thought about divorce once or you think about it every day, this article gives ten good reasons NOT to divorce.

1. THE KIDS

The first reason is something we all know about and we all consider: the kids. Should you stay married for the children? Well, at least think about how it will affect them. You might get over it in time. They never will.
They will never get over the loss of their family, and their lives will never be the same. Never. When Mom and Dad go apart, and start living separate lives, a child's world is never the same, and they must navigate a new reality. For that boy or girl, the fairy tale is officially over. Yes, kids do "move on," but they are effected by it forever.
In fact, Judy Wallerstein, a well-known advocate of children of divorce, stated that even 25 years later, children of divorce were 40% less likely to marry. They had romantic problems so many years later after the divorce!

Tips to Identify the Difference Between Love and Lust

In our world today, I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection--you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be--rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.

In my book “Guide to Intuitive Healing” I discuss the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness. Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy--it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no

8 Ways to Heal When Love Hurts

Sometimes our loved ones hurt us. Dads can get physical or disappear from our lives. Moms can betray us with their anger and lack of support. A best friend can shock us by turning their backs on us. A spouse can be unfaithful and destroy our trust. Our children can take a destructive path that is sure to crush our heart. These are some of the big hurts in life that leave us wondering how we will ever heal.

But there are little hurts too that can build into mountains of resentment if we don't address them. Angry words are exchanged during an argument. A friend neglects your friendship. People take you for granted without even knowing it. Your child rejects you in a moment of hurt and frustration.

To hang on to hurt or anger is destructive to our emotional, spiritual, physical and relational health. It drains our energy, strains our relationships, and zaps the joy from our life. So how do we heal our heart when love hurts? Here are some suggestions to help you move beyond the hurt and get on with enjoying life.

8 Tips For Building A Great Relationship

Everyone wants a happy, healthy, and successful relationship with their partner. Great relationships are those where both are just happy to be together, but it does take an equal effort. Below are some tips that will help you have a positive relationship that lasts…

4 Behavior Patterns Happy Couples Share

 
I’ve been talking the last couple of weeks about happy couples. Although everyone’s different, there are certain patterns that recur among those who have solid, happy relationships. They’re friends, they laugh together, they pay attention to one another, and they communicate well. What else?

10 Tips to Romance Your Wife

When a couple has been married for a long time, often the romance can start to wane.
Those early years when we first get together are filled with all kinds of romantic gestures, but then we usually allow life to get in the way. Kids come along, job pressures mount and finances seem to be at an all time low.

When the romance starts to die, some marriages really suffer. Often one or maybe even both of the partners start to fall out of love… or so they believe. This is one of the reasons why it’s so important to keep a little bit of that all important romance going at all times.

How to Make a Relationship Stronger

When you take a look at some of the happy marriages around you, it’s likely that you’re only seeing part of the picture because the fact is that most of the time, there are lots of things that couples just don’t talk about openly

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Sometimes, its the things that couples don’t talk about that can make the most of a marriage and much of the time, couples won’t tell you about it because it’s well – private.

Romance and the Dangers of Social Media

Yet another reason you shouldn’t Facebook stalk your ex:
Breakups are supposed to be the end of a relationship. Whether the end came via a fight or a fizzle, after a relationship used to end, it required some significant effort to contact an ex or figure out what was going on in his or her life. Now, social networking sites like Facebook can keep you digitally connected to exes, whether or not it’s good for you. 
Social media and breakups
A growing body of research demonstrates that although we could delete that connection and “defriend” an ex, we often choose to stay virtually linked. We don’t necessarily maintain that connection due to feelings of closeness or friendship, though; users typically admit staying linked so they can “Facebook stalk” to see how an ex’s life progresses after the breakup:
Is s/he posting about the breakup?
Is s/he brooding over the relationship?
Is that song lyric or sassy quote directed at me?
Has anyone started to flirt or show romantic interest?
Is s/he dating someone new?
Before social networking sites, we’d often have to rely on updates from common friends if we wanted to get information about our exes without directly contacting them. Now, our friend Facebook is ready and willing to share this information with a few quick clicks. And Facebook will never chastise you for asking.
Although social networking sites enable you to access to such information, if you’re distressed about a breakup, it’s in your best interest not to. Ruminating too much about a terminated relationship tends to augment feelings of sadness and regret and stifle the healing process. Similarly, looking at artifacts of the relationship or “creeping” on your ex’s profile on Facebook can keep you stuck in a post-breakup funk. Research by Dr. Tara Marshall has shown that, regardless of any offline contact, following your ex’s activity on Facebook will prolong your distress, increase negative feelings, promote more longing, and postpone emotional recovery.
The role of attachment
As noted in my earlier post (you can read and take a quiz on your attachment style here), people with anxious attachment styles are more likely to engage in Facebook stalking. Thus, those with preoccupied and fearful attachment styles may be at higher risk of post-breakup distress and hindered recovery due to intensive monitoring an ex on Facebook.
The end of relationships are especially hard on those with anxious attachment styles. As Dr. Katie Warber notes, “Such individuals tend to become preoccupied with checking their ex's Facebook page. They find themselves looking at pictures and status updates—even asking friends to monitor their former partner's page—which can ultimately compound feelings of loneliness and loss.”
Your best bet, then, is not to monitor your ex on Facebook at all, especially if you have an anxious attachment style. Willpower can be lacking when you’re emotionally drained from a breakup, so even if you’re typically a limited Facebook user, you may need to figure out ways to keep yourself away from your ex’s page. Here are some options:

 

After a while, many of us begin to lose interest in the relationship that is supposed to be the most important one to us – our marriage!
It’s a common theme that weaves its way through many couples’ relationships, making marriage seem more like a chore than a gift. However, the secret to marital happiness is investing in your marriage, right from the beginning.
Perhaps you’ve never heard of this, and you’re wondering how it’s done. Here are a few ways that you can begin to invest yourself more fully in your marriage, right now.

21 Date Night Questions

Just when you think you’ve come to know all there is to know about someone, you’ll find out that you’re just getting started! Marriage is a lifelong journey of discovery and communication is the only way to continue growing in your discovery of one another. Below are some questions that should start some great conversations! Turn off your phones and TV and ask your spouse these questions. I guarantee that you’ll both end up discovering something new!
1. If there was a movie about your life, what songs would you want on the soundtrack?
2. In that movie, what actor (past or present) would you want to play you?
3. If you could have named yourself, what name would you have chosen?
4. What is your favorite thing about yourself?
5. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself?
6. What was your biggest fear when you were a child?
7. What is your biggest fear now?
8. Besides our wedding and the day kids were born, what is your all-time favorite day?
9. What would you do with the money if we won the lottery?
10. What would you do tomorrow if you lost your job and money and we had to start over?
11. When you were a kid, who was your biggest hero?
12. Who is your biggest hero today?
13. What is your greatest regret?
14. What is one thing you’d like to accomplish by this time next year?
15. If you won a free vacation to any place on earth, where would you want to go?
16. What was your first nickname?
17. What is your earliest childhood memory?
18. What was the moment when you laughed harder than you’ve ever laughed?
19. If you could write one new law that everyone had to obey, what law would you create?
20. What’s a new hobby you’d like to try out?
21. Besides marrying me…what’s the greatest thing that has ever happened to you?

Sad one: Boy and Girl hangs self because their parents wont let them marry each other

 

U-N-B-E-L-I-E-V-A-B-L-E!!!

This is a picture of a girl & a boy who hanged themselves on a tree because their parents refused to let them marry each other.
A disagreement between both families was what caused the parents to say No to their marriage.

My question is, saying No to their marriage by their parents is enough reason why they should take their lives?

Is this Love or Foolishness?

What do you think?

10 Tips For Building The Relationship Of Your Dreams

Tips for turning new, premarital or broken, into successful relationships.

How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to building strong relationships. These indispensable tips were written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family and even work relationships.

1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without being afraid: Don’t interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don’t make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you’re too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself,breathe, and “calm down.” Remember: your partner is not the enemy. 2. Separate the facts from the feelings:What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth? Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity. 3. Connect with the different parts of yourself: Each of us is not a solo instrument. We’re more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your ‘gut’ saying? For example: My mind is saying ‘definitely leave her,’ but my heart says ‘I really love her.’ Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.
4. Develop Compassion: Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don’t have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoging respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting. 5. Create a “we” that can house two “I’s”: The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually-supportive relationship is to be separate and connected. In co-dependentrelationships, each person sacrifices part of him or her self, compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual “I” contributes to the creation of a “we” that is stronger than the sum of its parts. 
6. Partner, heal thyself: Don’t expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don’t try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can be supportive as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.
7. Relish the differences between you: The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don’t need to be with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of good fire. 8. Ask questions: All too often, we make up our own stories or interpretations about what our partners’ behavior means. For example: “She doesn’t want to cuddle; she must not really love me anymore.” We can never err on the side of asking too many questions, and then listen to the answers from your whole self — heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear what’s not being said — the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken.
9. Make time for your relationship: No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making “playdates” and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow. 4 Steps To Finding Love [VIDEO] 10. Say the “hard things” from love: Become aware of the hard things that you’re not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you’re feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.